“Play with Your Shadows”

Mareike S., 38, from Kassel is a freelance dancer and dance teacher. She shares with us her experiences around the SAT programme. An interview about the SAT Enneagram deep-dive course, personal transformation, and the power of financial support.

What interested you so much that you decided to go for it?

Through a good friend of mine. She had done the courses herself, and hearing about her experience sparked my curiosity.

 

What interested you so much that you thought: “I definitely want to do this”?

 It was the Enneagram itself. I knew nothing about it — and that was exactly what sparked my curiosity. I wanted to learn more about the differences in people: how we react, how we meet one another. And of course, I wanted to understand myself better.

 

Was there a particular aspect that fascinated you?

Yes — the combination of theatre, bodywork, and meditation. That connection appealed to me immediately. Knowing that the whole process was guided by therapists also gave me a strong sense of trust. I felt that I would be in good hands.

 

As a freelance artist, financing such courses is not always easy. How did you do it?

I asked ZIST whether I might be eligible for a reduction. That’s how I found out that both the SAT programme and the ZIST Support Association offer financial assistance. A new grant had just been launched, covering about 25% of the course and accommodation costs. The Support Association invited me to attend a personal interview, where I also had to explain my financial situation. After that, everything moved quite quickly: a committee made a decision, and I was approved.

 

Did that assessment feel uncomfortable to you?

Surprisingly not. It felt very natural and consistent. Of course, it was a bit challenging to talk openly about such personal questions on the phone with someone I didn’t know yet. But looking back, it all made sense. The interview was honest, respectful — and somehow, it even felt good.

 

What does this kind of support mean for people with lower income?

 The course is costly — understandably so, given how much it offers. For me, this SAT work isn’t just personally meaningful; it’s part of my professional and human development. It ripples outward. That’s why people with limited financial means should have access to it too. Without the funding, participation wouldn’t have been possible for me.

 

Which moments from SAT 1 do you remember most vividly?

Definitely the mindfulness and presence of the team. That alertness, that quality of attention and deep competence — it impressed me profoundly. The individual work was just as meaningful as the group processes. Even everyday things like shared meals changed: a space emerged in which we could truly let ourselves and others simply be. I found more peace with myself. The theatre work, in particular, was deeply intense — it still resonates today. The way Cherif, Katrin, and Oscar each led the days with their own presence was truly moving.

 

Were there moments when you reached your limits or wanted to leave?

Yes, definitely. Working with certain people wasn’t always easy. There were impulses to run away — but that’s exactly what I came for: to face my own patterns.

 

What did SAT 1 change in you — inwardly, and in your everyday life?

Straight after the SAT, I had a week of teaching with 20 students. I stood in front of them every day — calmer than ever before. I felt present and clear. I used to carry a constant sense of dissatisfaction. After the SAT, it was simply… gone. I didn’t lose my voice once — I no longer had to “force things out.” I stopped having that feeling that I had to be somewhere other than where I was.

 

If you had to sum up your experience in a few words, what would you say?

 “Play with your shadows.” That’s the image that stays with me. Play — that’s what feels so alive. And the shadows — our inner patterns, our conditioning — aren’t just dark. You can invite them in, play with them, dance with them. The theatre work made that clear to me. Engage with your shadows. Bring them into play.

 

You’ve since also taken part in SAT 2, again with support from the association. What made you want to continue after SAT 1?

The theme of family called to me strongly. I wanted to understand my parents and our relationship better — and also their story, which I knew little about.

 

What touched you the most?

It was a very personal moment: encountering my parents as children. It felt as if I could perceive their essence — beyond roles or expectations. Through SAT 2 and the deep curiosity the work awakened in me, I now feel much more connected to my parents.

 

How did you experience the work with the family of origin in general?

There were times when I thought, “What am I doing here?” Then the opposite came — the feeling that this was exactly what needed to happen. The exercise where we spoke to our siblings moved me deeply. It touched so much inside me. Things I had never said finally found a place. From the fourth day onward, I cried a lot — and I went home feeling much lighter than when I arrived. So much happened, even unconsciously. It was also wonderful to see the group again — we now meet regularly online to meditate together.

 

How did you experience the progression from SAT 1 to SAT 2?

Im SAT 1 geht es um die Frage: Wer bin ich in der Welt, wie sehe ich mich, wie sehen SAT 1 asks: Who am I in the world? How do I see myself, and how do others see me?
SAT 2 goes deeper: Where do I come from? Who shaped me? How am I in relationship to others?
That structure made perfect sense to me. The many pair and small-group interactions were challenging, but precisely because of that, deeply transformative.

 

And the work with the Enneagram — what was important for you there?

I understood that the Enneagram isn’t about quickly finding your type, but about exploring. I used to feel urgent about wanting to know my type — now I see it as an ongoing process. It’s about discovery and self-knowledge.

 

Would you like to do SAT 3 as well?

Yes, definitely. I want to do all the courses. It feels like there’s still so much to discover. Especially to continue with the same group — that’s a powerful learning field. There’s a deep trust and sense of connection, and the feeling that we can go even further.

 

Finally, is there anything else you’d like to say?

 The composure and depth with which the team holds the space impressed me deeply. There’s so much experience, aliveness, and sensitivity to what the group needs in each moment. It never feels like a fixed structure — it feels alive, real.

 

And what would you tell a friend who, like you once were, feels curious but still hesitant to sign up for the SAT programme?

If you’re truly ready to commit to yourself — then go for it! SAT is an incredibly powerful experience with people who want the same: to know themselves and to connect. And it happens in a protected space, in a beautiful place like ZIST. What struck me deeply was that the team has gone through these processes themselves. You can feel that — and that makes all the difference. They are passionate about this work, and they pass that fire on.

 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.